"A... carbuncle? I thought that was, like, a type of... boil." He wrinkles his nose. Boils are not very comforting, and that's all he can picture now.

"But soothing... there's the rub, isn't it? What's soothing? Pat it on the head and say 'there, there'? Drop a towel over its head like it's a parakeet? Turn it into a lizard? Nope, need miracles for that. I could... sing a Queen song? Love of my life, don't leave me--" He cuts off abruptly, looking slightly stricken at the contents of the first song that came to mind.

[fuck me I had this tag mostly written and I changed tabs and forgot about it before I shut my computer down and it was gooooone. had to reconstruct it. T_T]